 If
you recently sold your million dollar business and your half a million
dollar house for a huge loss and happily moved into a shack in the
Carolina's to get away from California's latest Assault Weapon Ban,
you just mite be a gun nut.
If you hate Rosy McDonald and all
of her Anti-Gun Sisters but still can't pass up a sale at the
K-Mart gun counter, than you just may be a gun nut.
If you
canceled an all expense paid trip to Hawaii because you found out the
SHOT Show was at the same time, but in a different state, you just
mite be a gun nut.
If you have
more than two fifteen hundred dollar gun safes in your two thousand
dollar trailer house, you just mite be a gun nut.
If you think
the NRA is full of a bunch of "Left Wing Pansies" than you
just may be a gun nut.
If your gun
collection is valued at more than your 401K retirement plan, you just
might be a gun nut.
If you know
that the "unique" custom-type bedding block system on the
new SIG-Sauer SHR 970 synthetic sport rifle was used by R. Reger of
Konigsberg Germany in 1937, and by A. Francotte of Liege Belgium in
the early 1930's, you just might be a gun nut. {Named Fredd!}
If you cancel
travel plans to go and visit your oldest and closest friends because
you just found out there is a gun show that weekend, you just might be
a gun nut.
If you ever
went grocery shopping with your last 20 dollars till payday and bought
3 gun magazines and some coffee, forgoing the bread, milk and eggs
your wife told you to get, you just might be a gun nut.
If the people
on SIG-L know more about you than all 9 of your sisters, you just
might be a gun nut.
If seeing
Bill Clinton's picture automatically sends you into Condition Red, you
just might be a gun nut. (Or possibly just someone who doesn't like
lecherous, dirty old men and liars!)
If the last
truly sensitive, intimate and emotionally open conversation you had
with your wife, was on the merits of the 7mm STW cartridge, you just
might be a gun nut.
If you think
HCI stands for "Hi Caps Installed" or is a new type of
"High Concussion Incendiary" ammo, you just might be a gun
nut.
If you go to
three different gun shows within a month and your excited every single
time, you just might be a gun nut.
If you watch La
Femme Nikita just to see the weapons, especially the suppressed
H&K MP5s, you just might be a gun nut.
If your wife
and you argue over who gets to carry the SIG 225 during the summer
months, you just might be a gun nut.
If you ever
seriously thought about dabbing a little Hoppe's #9 on your neck
before going out on a date, you just might be a gun nut.
If you buy
some checkering tools, checker all your gun stocks, and then start on
the bedposts, you just might be a gun nut.
If you cannot
recall how many firearms you own, you just might be a gun nut.
If you buy a
gun that's just like that other gun you have except the barrel is
1/2" shorter (or longer), you just might be a gun nut.
If you buy a
gun at a shop only to find out you used to own it a couple of years
ago, you just might be a gun nut.
If you know
twelve different names for one caliber of cartridge, you just might be
a gun nut.
If you ever
clean a gun that hasn't been shot in the week since you cleaned it
last, you just might be a gun nut.
If you
consider naming your unborn child Winchester or Remington, you just
might be a gun nut.
If you
purchased two Glocks and two SIGs just to see which brand was better,
you just might be a gun nut.
If your drive
to work is filled with reverie about why Ed's Red actually works, you
just might be a gun nut.
If you strip
all the paint off your car and then refinish it with cold blue, you
just might be a gun nut.
If you ever
bought ammo in a caliber for which you have no gun, because you
thought some day you MIGHT get a gun in that caliber, you just be be a
gun nut.
If your
collection of American Rifleman back issues, Gun Digests and reloading
manuals cost you a premium the last time you moved, you just might be
a gun nut.
If you have
more than one gun that "kills on both ends," you just might
be a gun nut.
If you buy
high capacity magazines for a gun you have not bought yet, you just
might be a gun nut.
If you take
your guns out of the safe each night and handle them, just so you can
wipe them off before putting them away, you just might be a gun nut.
If your
mother-in-law asks what new gun junk you want for Christmas this year,
you just might be a gun nut.
If you see TV
footage of the war in Bosnia and wish you were there to pick up the
brass, you just might be a gun nut.
If you drive
300 miles just to ogle (and fire) HK-MP5s (and Stens, Uzis, BMGs and
whatever else shows up at Knob Creek), you just might be a gun nut.
If you keep a
loaded gun hidden in every room in the house, including the bathroom
and kitchen, "just in case," and then keep one on you at all
times just in case someone breaks in while you're in the hallway, you
just might be a gun nut.
If you
consider it unpatriotic not to own at least one .45 and one .22, you
just might be a gun nut.
If you named
your pocket pistol "Little Guy" and your 12 gauge "Big
Jake," you just might be a gun nut.
If you own
reloading dies for caliber's that you do not shoot, you just might be
a gun nut.
If you tape American
Shooter so you can pause, reverse and fast forward to do a
complete analysis of the show, you just might be a gun nut.
If you
understand Smith & Wesson's model numbers, you just might be a gun
nut.
If you ever
bought two brands of the same weight and type of bullet, just to see
if one "shot better," you just might be a gun nut.
If you keep a
collection of different cartridges at your place of work as a
"conversation piece," you just might be a gun nut.
If you take
your wife on vacation to a gun show for your 10th Anniversary and she
is as excited to go as you are, you just might be a gun nut.
If you ever
had to explain, "It's NOT the same gun, it's a different
VARIANT... " you just might be a gun nut.
If you and
your new father-in-law go to a gun show on your wedding day, you just
might be a gun nut.
If you have
life memberships in more than one shooting organization, you just
might be a gun nut.
If you read
that "Brady II" would outlaw possession of more than 1,000
rounds of ammunition and think, "I have more than that rolling
around loose in the trunk of my car!" you just might be a gun
nut.
If watching The
Lion King gives you the itch for a .470 Nitro Express, you just
might be a gun nut.
If, while
watching the movie Terminator 2, you have to leave the room in
tears and mournful sobs after Arnold Schwartzenneger throws the CAR-16
off the moving tractor trailer and it goes bouncing away, you just
might be a gun nut.
If your guns
are cleaner than your residence, you just might be a gun nut.
If you have 5
different guns being DROS'd at 3 different FFL dealers, you just might
be a gun nut.
If you
plunked down a $130 deposit on a Seecamp after waiting two years for
them to accept your order, and are still willing to wait another
two years for them to make your pistol, you just might be a gun nut.
If your mom
gives you a new Springfield Armory .308 sniper rifle for Christmas,
you just might be a gun nut.
If four local
gun shops know you by name, you just might be a gun nut.
If you're
friends with 90% of the employee's at all the local gun shops, you
just might be a gun nut.
If you
identify the gun on the cover of Dillons Blue Press before you
even notice the girl, you just might be a gun nut.
If, when you
stop in at the local gun shop, they ask you questions like: "How
was work?" "How are the wife and kids?" "We're
gonna order some food, ya want in?" etc., you just might be a gun
nut.
If you have
more gunpowder stashed in your home than your local sporting goods
store has on hand, you just might be a gun nut.
If you can
wallpaper your house with old issues of Shotgun News, Gun List,
Guns & Ammo, etc., you just might be a gun nut.
If all of
your children are life members of the NRA, you just might be a gun
nut.
If your
children are named "Ogive" and "Meplat," you just
might be a gun nut.
If you make
$30 per hour at work, but spend 30 minutes on your knees at the range
looking for that last piece of .40 Auto brass, you just might be a gun
nut.
If you have
Brownells on speed dial, you just might be a gun nut.
If you
trimmed down 100 10mm cases to form .357 SIG brass before commercial
supplies of this brass were available, you just might be a gun nut.
If the custom
door lock pulls on your Jeep are .223 Rem cases and the gear shift
knob is a .50 BMG, you just might be a gun nut.
If your girl
friend thinks that aura of Hoppes #9 is your favorite after shave, you
just might be a gun nut.
If you have
guns in your safe that you can't for the life of you remember how you
came by, you just might be a gun nut.
If you wish
you could buy The Blue Book of Gun Values in hard cover, you
just might be a gun nut.
If you watch
old W.W.II movies and can identify all the rifles and handguns, but
can't remember who stared in the movie or what it was about, you just
might be a gun nut.
If you
consider it a point of honor to buy factory ammo only if you
need the brass, you just might be a gun nut.
If your
pickup is subject to search at any given time because, in your state,
empty cartridge cases rolling around the floor are considered probable
cause. you just might be a gun nut.
If you read
the sports section of the newspaper just for the gun ads, you just
might be a gun nut.
If you get a
flat and realize that you've got 400 pounds of shot, a Hefty bag each
of wads and empty hulls, and enough primers to re-open the main shaft
of the Lost Dutchman on top of your spare tire, you just might be a
gun nut.
If you wonder
what size rings you would need to mount the Hubble Space Telescope on
a varmint rifle, you just might be a gun nut.
If .22LR
cartridges frequently find their way into your washing machine, you
just might be a gun nut.
If your gun
safe cost more than your dining room set, you just might be a gun nut.
If you work
for the military and have more shooting experience then the guys in
uniform you work with, you just might be a gun nut.
If your
teenage daughter's next date is introduced to you while your sitting
at the loading bench cleaning your M-1, you just might be a gun nut.
If you visit
the shooting range more then twice a week, you just might be a gun
nut.
If your wife
says to buy a gun she would like you to sell one first, you just might
be a gun nut.
If you have
ever had your local sporting goods store call your house and ask,
"We are doing a stock order, did you need anything?" . . .
you just might be a gun nut.
If the
checkering pattern of your favorite 1911 is permanently impressed in
your palm, you just might be a gun nut.
If your
bridal registry is at the local gun shop, you just might be a gun nut.
If you have
more cubic feet of your home devoted to gun-related materials than
clothing, you just might be a gun nut.
If you can
identify on sight all rifle bolt-faces as in: "That's a Ruger,
that's a Savage, that's a Winchester . . ." you just might be a
gun nut.
If the
largest gun store in your area calls you if they need
something they can't get elsewhere, you just might be a gun nut.
If you're a
computer specialist and you have more issues of Shotgun News
and Gun List than MacWeek and PCWeek, you just
might be a gun nut.
You actually
consider buying the camo sexy underwear advertised for your sweetie in
some gun catalogs, you just might be a gun nut.
If you bought
7 or more AK-47's just so you could have different ones from different
countries (Bulgarian, Romanian, Russian, Yugoslavian, Egyptian,
Chinese, etc.), you just might be a gun nut.
If your phone
number, license plate, extension at work, etc. relates to some kind of
bullet caliber . . . ON PURPOSE, you just might
be a gun nut.
If you have
framed targets hanging in your bathroom, hallway, or at work, etc.
with tight groups that you have shot, you just might be a gun nut.
If you can
read the same issue of SGN/GL/etc. everyday until the new issue comes
out, you just might be a gun nut.
If you tag
pages in SGN/GL for later reference, you just might be a gun nut.
If you own
enough guns to arm everyone on your block, you just might be a gun
nut.
If you own 4
AR-15's configured EXACTLY the same but by different manufactures
(Colt, Bushmaster, Olympic Arms, Armalite, etc.) just because you can,
you just might be a gun nut.
If the last 5
guns you bought are never to be fired, you just might be a gun nut.
If, when
buying a new gun, you plead with your gun shop to keep it until you
have space for it, you just might be a gun nut.
If your wife
wants to wear black leather so you buy her a carry holster, you just
might be a gun nut.
You have
Trijicon Night-Lights in your bedroom, you just might be a gun nut.
Your mailbox
has a Weaver Rail on top, you just might be a gun nut.
You can't
figure out why your non-shooting friends laugh when you say, "Bushmaster",
you just might be a gun nut.
You would
like to see Bill Clinton or Barbara Boxer spend even one hour after
midnight at a Washington, DC bus-stop without their bodyguards, you
just might be a gun nut.
If you build
a gun rack in your bedroom and it's closer to you than your wife, you
just might be a gun nut.
If you can
identify gunshots from faraway as to caliber, whether from a rifle or
pistol, brand of gun, grains of powder used, *what* powder and at what
velocity, you just might be a gun nut.
If you ever
stumbled across a cache of once-fired brass for a caliber you don't
own, but hoarded it anyway, you just might be a gun nut.
If your
answer to the recent rec.guns newsgroup thread, "How many guns do
you need?" is, "How many do you have room for in your
house?" you just might be a gun nut.
If you
stockpiled thousands of primers during the infamous "Primer
Famine of 1994," you just might be a gun nut.
If a friend
knows you reload and gives you a set of dies of a caliber you do not
already have, and you go out a buy a gun so you can use the FREE dies,
you just might be a gun nut.
If, when you
do the wash, several spent casings fall out of your rolled-up sleeves,
you just might be a gun nut.
If you go to
a gun show and contemplate buying a particular gun for a half an hour
before you remember that you already have that one, you just might be
a gun nut.
If, when you
go to the magazine rack, you check the Guns and Ammo cover to
see if there are new guns as compared to checking the Playboy
cover to see what it is offering, you just might be a gun nut.
If you own
more reloading manuals than Bibles, you just might be a gun nut.
If you own a
BAYONET for a gun you haven't bought yet, you just might be a gun nut.
If you buy a
gun that is a duplicate of one you already have because the original
one might break someday . . . you just might be a gun nut.
If you name
your first-born boy SIGGY, you just might be a gun nut.
If you'd
rather have a $10,000 PSG-1 and drive a $600 car rather than drive a
$10,000 car and have a $600 gun, you just might be a gun nut.
If you preach
how stupid gun laws/bans are at work when you work in a predominantly
ANTI-gun company, you just might be a gun nut.
If you would
rather ban alcohol than high-capacity magazines, you just might be a
gun nut.
If you name
your first-born girl LadySmith, you just might be a gun nut.
If your kid's
disposable diapers come in camo battle packs, you just might be a gun
nut.
If it bothers
you more when 007 runs out of ammo than when the BOND girl
dies, you just might be a gun nut.
If your
key-ring fob is a converted .50BMG cartridge, you just might be a gun
nut.
If your
driver's license says "must wear night-vision goggles," you
just might be a gun nut.
If
"Miller Time" means plinking at beer cans, you just might be
a gun nut.
If the
highlight of your week is discovering that 6 .40S&W hollowpoints
fit perfectly in a plastic 35mm film canister (5 up/1 down in the
middle), you just might be a gun nut.
If you put a
Hogue Grip on your car's parking brake, you just might be a gun nut.
If you
retrofit a laser sight to your TV remote control, you just might be a
gun nut.
If it takes
you several minutes leafing through Small Arms of the World to
find a gun you have never fired, you just might be a gun nut.
If you have a
callus on your shoulder, you just might be a gun nut.
If you've
ever sent a scope (that was never dropped) back to Leupold for repair,
you just might be a gun nut.
If factories
ask *you* how well their guns hold up, you just might be a gun nut.
If Hornady's
largest midwestern distributor informs you that you've bought over
half of all the Vector ammo they've ever had in stock, you just might
be a gun nut.
If you even
had the thought, "I wonder what scale that little kids Animal
Crackers are, compared to Regulation silhouettes?" you just might
be a gun nut.
If your
standard Sunday-afternoon question to guys selling surplus ammo at gun
shows is "How much for all of it, so you don't have to lug it
home?" you just might be a gun nut.
If RCBS asked
*you* for load data for the .357 SIG, (before it was published) you
just might be a gun nut.
If you shoot
enough Berdan-primed ammo that you are on a first-name basis with your
local scrap metal dealer, you just might be a gun nut.
If, upon
seeing your 1978 wildcatting project (a .375 on a .50 Sharps 3
1/4" case, 3340 FPS with a 300 Sierra boat tail), Elmer Keith
says "You're nuts!" you just might be a gun nut.
If Keith
Francis (at JGS, the chambering reamer company), answers your phone
calls "What have you dreamed up *this* time?" you just might
be a gun nut.
If you own a
firearm listed in the Guinness Book of World Records, you just
might be a gun nut.
You go to a
marriage counselor, he asks you which you like better, shooting or
sex, and you think it's the stupidest question you've ever heard, you
just might be a gun nut.
If you're in
the army reserves, and they can't figure out why every time they send
you out to shoot the M60 with 100 rounds, you return with a shot-out
barrel (it never dawns on them you're bringing your own ammo . . . ),
you just might be a gun nut.
If you keep a
copy of one of Elmer Keith's books on your coffee table, you just
might be a gun nut.
If you spend
more on ammo each month than on food, you just might be a gun nut.
If you list
your local FFL dealer as a dependent on your tax return, you just
might be a gun nut.
If a topless
joint with free admission is half a mile away, and instead you drive
40 miles to the shooting range on a Saturday night, you just might be
a gun nut.
If you
alternate Silvertips and Hydra-Shocks in your magazines because they
look prettier that way, you just might be a gun nut.
If you guess
range and windage whenever you look at road signs, you just might be a
gun nut.
If you have
more .50 caliber ammo cans than the local U. S. Army Reserves armory,
you just might be a gun nut.
If your gun
collection is worth more than your automobile, you just might be a gun
nut.
If you have
to run out to the range this weekend to shoot up some ammo because you
need some brass to reload, you just might be a gun nut.
If you're
still reading this inane list, you are a gun nut. |
